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Dear Mr. Football: Did Mike Stoops really put his house on the market last week? Is he that job-insecure?

A. Stoops' Foothills house is now listed by Long Realty. And it's a bargain, too. It's only nine years old, 4,935 square feet, all the toys, a mere $1.499 million.

But it's not what you think; he's not planning to beat the posse out of town, take a coach-in-waiting position under mentor Bill Snyder at Kansas State or attempt to liquidate before his contract expires two years hence.

He's downsizing to a smaller home, in a different area, and plans to buy a second home, a retreat, in San Diego. This attempt to sell his house actually exhibits how secure he feels. I contend that if he beats the Sun Devils tonight he'll be offered a contract extension before the Las Vegas Bowl on Dec. 20. The real drama, ironically, will be if he accepts it.

Dear Mr. Football: What if he loses tonight?

A. Don't underestimate the outcry and general chaos that would follow. Neither should you expect a coaching change.

Anything the UA does to financially compromise its search for a basketball coach would be foolish. It would cost in the neighborhood of $5 million in one-time dollars to flush out a football coaching staff and replace it.

And who's available anyway?

If Washington, the true sleeping giant of Pac-10 football, can't get Pat Hill or Mike Leach — and both would command double Stoops' base salary — Arizona would be trolling in the coaching discount pond.

The short-term damage of replacing Stoops would be so great that it would take a doomsday scenario to trigger a change.

And, besides, athletic director Jim Livengood is smart enough to know that firing a second football staff of his making might lead to his dismissal as well.

Dear Mr. Football: Has any BCS coach of the last 25 years survived his first five seasons without winning and been retained?

A. It's a short list. Iowa State didn't fire Dan McCarney after going 3-8, 2-9, 1-10, 3-8 and 4-7 in the 1990s. It was rewarded in Year 6 when the Cyclones went 9-3.

Nor did Purdue fire Jim Colletto after he went 4-7, 4-7, 1-10, 4-5-2 and 4-6-1 in his first five seasons. But it probably should have; Colletto then went 3-8 in 1996 and was fired.

The only other BCS team of the last 25 years to keep a coach who didn't win in five seasons was Kentucky's Bill Curry. He went 4-7, 3-8, 4-7, 6-6 and 1-10. UK kept him for two more losing seasons.

Dear Mr. Football: What's with this awful, uninspiring "Duel in the Desert" nickname?

A. It has been foisted upon us by the marketing people at Fox Sports Arizona and, thank the Lord, it's not copyrighted, adopted or official in any sense. We can change it. Please submit entries to me before you take your next breath.

The five best football rivalry titles, in order, are:

● Bedlam Series: Oklahoma State vs. OU

● Backyard Brawl: Pitt vs. West Virginia

● Battle of the Bricks: Miami of Ohio vs. Ohio U

● Battle of the Brazos: Baylor vs. Texas A&M

● Red River Shootout: Oklahoma vs. Texas

● Waiting list: The Egg Bowl (Ole Miss-Mississippi State), the Iron Bowl (Alabama-Auburn), the Apple Cup (Wazzu-Washington).

Territorial Cup is fine by me.

Dear Mr.Football: How has this game changed in 50 years?

A. On the day of the 1958 Arizona-ASU game, Wildcat coach Ed Doherty posed for a picture in this newspaper wearing a "BEAT TEMPE'' tie. Now they'd have to find a tie with a Nike swoosh on it.

Similarly, first-year Sun Devil coach Frank Kush, then 29, bunked his team overnight at the old Desert Willow Guest Ranch near the base of the Rincon Mountains. He was asked to climb aboard a horse for a gameday photograph but, predictably, declined. He ordered starting QB John Hangartner to get on the horse.

The caption on the gameday photo: THEY'VE GOT THE HORSES.

And they did. The Sun Devils won 47-0 and Doherty resigned.

Dear Mr. Football: Has UA senior guard Joe Longacre, the team's go-to quote, been around long enough to absorb the history of this rivalry?

A. In his fifth year at Arizona, Longacre's recall of the UA-ASU football series is sadly limited to one Sun Devil. "Jake the Snake Plummer," he said, proudly.

I asked about Kush. "Never heard of him," he said.

I asked about the great Sun Devil QB Danny White. "Nope," he said. "I'm not a historian of ASU football."

Longacre showed no sign of recognition when former ASU quarterback Jeff Van Raaphorst was mentioned.

Many of us still picture Chuck Cecil young and spry enough to start at safety this week, pick off a few Rudy Carpenter passes and, in general, establish an I'm-going-to-kick-their-pants mentality that served him and his teammates so well during the 1983-87 Cecil years when Arizona went 4-0-1 against ASU.

Alas, Cecil is 44. He would probably walk those 106 yards from Arizona's end zone to the promised land.

Dear Mr. Football: How does this one end?

Against Arizona, Van Raaphorst was 0-3 as ASU's starting quarterback. He was a lot better than Carpenter, who is 3-0. Not that Van Raaphorst hasn't gotten some revenge.

In the state championship game for youth football last month, his Tempe team played a Tucson team coached by former UA receiver Jay Dobyns, who was 3-0 against the Sun Devils from 1982 to 1984.

The Van Raaphorsts won 31-8. Dobyns and his long-ago enemy laughed about it afterward.

Same score tonight. Arizona 31, ASU 8. But there will be no laughing.