Accent

Regift away -- just follow the rules...

Let's take a quick count - and be honest. If you sometimes get a gift and the first thing you think is, "Who am I gonna give that to?" raise your hand. You're a regifter. With Christmas over, the stores have been packed all week with people trying to return unwanted items or exchange them, whether it's a sweater they'll never wear or a third crockpot they'll never need. People head to the malls, gift receipts in hand, looking for merchandise that is more their size, their color or just plain their taste. But a different fate awaits some gifts: They'll be rewrapped and given away as birthday presents or anniversary gifts. Or they'll sit tidily in a closet until next December, when they'll fulfill their roles as Christmas gifts once again. What exactly is "regifting"? You receive a gift that you don't like or can't use, then turn around and give it to someone else. A "Seinfeld" episode propelled the term into the pop-culture mainstream - though it may have been in use long before the sitcom added the word to the national lexicon. Once looked down upon as a major social faux pas, the practice of regifting has become so common - and so accepted - that the authority of all things etiquette, the Emily Post Institute, now has rules to govern the proper, conscientious regifter. "Basically, there are four rules to regifting," said Elizabeth Howell, spokeswoman for the institute. First, the gift must be brand- new, in its original packaging, with all cards and gift tags removed, she said. Second, it must be something that the new giftee would love. Third, handmade or one-of-a-kind items cannot be regifted. "The sweater that someone knit for you or a vase that somebody brought back from Bermuda" are no-gos for regifting, said Howell, who spoke from the institute's offices in Vermont. Lastly, the person who gave you the gift must never, ever find out. Regifting still takes a lot of heat - and causes its share of humorous situations - because some people don't follow this last rule well. Many folks commit such classic blunders as regiving a gift within the same circle of friends, making it much more likely that the original giver will discover the item in its new home and be insulted. While extreme scenarios like a gift making the rounds until it gets back to the original gifter may only be the stuff of sitcom fodder or Hollywood scripts - Will Ferrell's character in "Old School" actually tries to give as a housewarming gift the exact same present he received from that person weeks earlier as a wedding present - in the real world, regifting can lead one into a quandary, as well. Just ask Ann Tarwater, an administrative employee at Raytheon Missile Systems. She actually regifted once by accident and was "terrified" that someone would find out and be offended. One of Tarwater's neighbors is in the habit of giving her a tin of Danish cookies each year, and Tarwater is so fond of the idea that she bought one of her other neighbors a similar tin, carefully picking out one that couldn't be mistaken for the tin given to her. After presenting the tin to another neighbor, she realized that she had given away the one she received and not the one she purchased as a gift. "I was so afraid because both of my neighbors are very talkative," Tarwater said. "I lived in fear for the next three days. "I sat in a guilt-filled stupor: Do I tell neighbor A and trade the cookies for the right ones, do I tell neighbor B about the mix up? Oh heck, next year I gave chocolate-covered cherries." Actually, Tarwater has no qualms about regifting when she means to. She was doing some reading about ways to clear out clutter and get organized when she asked herself an important question: Why should you keep something someone gave you as a gift, just because they gave it to you as a gift? "It makes more sense to give it to someone who'll enjoy it," she said.

Taking the things that she can't use and finding them good homes is at the heart of Sharon Loper-Bloch's regifting philosophy. Loper-Bloch, a teacher, gets a ton of Christmas-themed gifts from students and parents as the semester ends. But as a Jew who celebrates Hanukkah, she doesn't have a use for them. So even though she's touched by the thought behind the gifts, Loper-Bloch would always put each Christmas mug or ornament "into a dark closet where it would sit," she said. That is, until she finally realized that these things should be owned by people who appreciate them. "Except the ones that say 'To my teacher.' They are a little hard to get rid of," she said. Loper-Bloch estimates that around the holidays, as much as 30 percent of her total gifting is regifting. Many of her recipients know the deal, while others are kept in the dark about the gifts' origins. "I think it really depends on the situation and how well you know the friend," she said. But some experts say that the new giftee should never be told they are getting a regift, placing it on the same plane of importance as the original giver never finding out that his or her gift was passed on. Those who think this way believe that it cheapens the gift, but Loper-Bloch doesn't agree - and she certainly doesn't mind when she is on the receiving end. "I really, honestly believe it's the thought that counts," she said. "If someone gave me something that someone else gave them, but they really thought that I would like it, then who cares?" Howell, of the Emily Post Institute, seconds that attitude. "I'm never going to complain, regardless of where it came from, if someone gives me a box of chocolates," she said. "And I assume it's the same for someone who loves a good bottle of wine." In the end, it all comes down to giving a good gift, Howell said. You should apply the same thoughtfulness when regifting as you do when giving someone a really great, original gift. This policy has served Tarwater well. "I tend not to just pass along (a gift) to somebody else as the next victim," she said. "I try to give something they'll actually like."