Accent

Sidestepping the mismatch

Richard and Sue Kuns have known each other since the fourth grade. They grew up in the same small town in Indiana and attended high school and college together. They've been married 48 years. When they say they know each other very well, you can probably believe them. Yet even the Kunses, who have managed to stay visibly in love for five decades, occasionally miss when it comes to buying Christmas gifts. Richard tells of one holiday when he bought his wife a set of pots and pans. "We were out Christmas shopping together," he says. "We use that time to try to get a clue." The couple passed a nice set of cookware. Their cookware, he adds, had seen its better days, so he mentioned to his wife that it would be nice to have a set like those in the store. "She said, 'We should try a piece of this before we buy it,' " he recalls. "I didn't hear it that way. I heard, 'I would like to have that.' "It was a frigid evening," Richard concludes. The lesson in this story, the Kunses say, is that you have to listen to what the other person is saying and not merely hear what you want to hear. Over the years, the Kunses have perfected this art, and the cookware stands out as a very rare mismatch in the history of the gifts they have given each other. Following their example might help those who struggle to match package to person. Both say observation is key. If you're hanging out with someone and they mention something they'd like to have, make a mental note. Paying attention to what they already have helps, too. Susan Veech, who is part of the management team for J.Jill clothing store, 4500 N. Oracle Road, says she sees tons of returns after Christmas, and many of them boil down to the wrong size or the wrong color. "People pick out a color they like, but it's not necessarily something the recipient will like," she says. "Husbands think, 'Oh, my wife doesn't have any of this in her closet. I'll get this.' There's a reason for that. She doesn't look good in chartreuse." Veech suggests checking the sizes of oft-worn items and asking specific questions, such as, "If I could get you something red or purple, which would you rather have?" And it's not just with clothing where people make mistakes in buying. Tony Smith, a shift manager for Zia Record Exchange, says scores of people return merchandise after Christmas because it's just not the kind of music they're into. "They don't buy what the person likes, they buy what they like," he says, echoing Veech. If you're uncertain about the desires of the person you're shopping for, leave some catalogs lying conspicuously about - maybe even with a black marker nearby - or consider shopping at a place that keeps a wish list or a file on customers. Beth Friedman, owner of the Beth Friedman Collection, 1865 E. River Road, has been keeping lists on her customers for about 20 years. She lets shoppers point out items they'd like to have, as well as keeps track of information such as color preferences and sizes. Teri Maris, who works at Sabaku Boutique, says most stores that have return clientele offer similar services, so asking about their favorite store is a good place to start. And some nationwide outlets, such as Amazon.com, have similar services. But even if you know exactly what the person wants, don't get out of control with your buying, the Kunses caution. Setting a spending limit is an easy way to avoid disappointment come Christmas morning and sticker shock in January. "People get hurt because they think they were outgiven," Richard Kuns says. "We have always made a decision on how much we should spend." Also, remember that money really isn't the most important thing. For years, Richard bought Sue jewelry, not a cheap gift. But finally Sue found that she had more than she could ever wear. She had to let him down easy. "You don't have to be mean about it," she says. "But you owe it to the person whom you care about to say it," Richard elaborates. "We're honest." But, Sue cautions, to be critical of a gift is a terrible thing. Which brings up perhaps the Kunses' most enlightening tip for avoiding disappointment: Understand that this is a gift that someone picked out for you. They put time and thought into it, and you should react accordingly. Last year, Richard got a $5 pocket calendar from Sue. "I loved it," he says. "It's just more that she bought it for me than anything," he says. Good gifts don't have to be romantic, Sue continues. They can be practical and still be loved. "A practical gift that is well-thought-out and well-chosen is almost a romantic gift," she says. In the end, it's mostly about understanding. Both in choosing - and receiving - the perfect gift.