Accent

First lady of football

Nicole Stoops has a new home nestled in a gated community in the Catalina Foothills. It's lovely, certainly, with soaring ceilings, interior Roman columns and a negative edge pool that looks like it spills into the desert. But Stoops - the wife of Mike Stoops, the University of Arizona's first-year football coach - still isn't quite used to it. She finds the house a bit chilly. More formal than she is. She's done what she can to warm it up with furniture that leans toward wood and reds and browns. But that doesn't change the cabinet-matching paneling on the refrigerator, which keeps her from hanging her kids' doodles. And don't let the "gate" in gated community fool you. Stoops is no fussy, arms-length kind of person, dressing for an interview in blue jeans and cowboy boots. When she takes a single phone call from her husband, she mock rolls her eyes in exasperation as Coach Stoops continually interrupts the conversation with his wife to dish out instructions to folks on his end. For a woman who admits she was once more reserved, maybe even shy, Stoops has grown comfortable in the spotlight that shines on one of Tucson's first ladies of sports. It's an ill-defined role, yet one that Tucsonans have seen done well: Lute Olson's late wife, Bobbi Olson - remembered as "everybody's mom" - and Dick Tomey's wife, Nanci Kincaid, an author, left high-profile legacies of being involved in the community. Some might consider such a role a challenging endeavor, especially for a woman as young as Stoops, just 28. There are the inevitable comparisons. Olson's current wife, Christine, recently held informal etiquette classes with the basketball players, and Stoops got some razzing about whether she'd be doing the same thing for the footballers. Youth aside, Stoops is no newbie. The couple came from Oklahoma, where her husband was defensive coach and where people love their college football like Tucsonans love their college basketball. "The Stoops' name there was like Lute Olson's name here," she said. "I'd be at the gas station and people would be offering me advice for my husband." Back then, she did cringe a bit doing interviews for newspaper profiles. She didn't feel like she'd lived enough to have much to say - a feeling that has since changed. Living in that kind of fishbowl, she said, "I had to grow up really fast." Having children - Payton, 5, and Colton, 2 - helped with that growth, too. She was working as an apartment property manager at the time she met Stoops, who was visiting Dallas for a football convention when the two struck up a conversation at a restaurant bar. She always expected someday she'd become a teacher and stay in Dallas the rest of her life, to be near her family. But then came an unplanned pregnancy and a choice. She and Mike weren't married at the time, and they ruled out getting married solely because of the pregnancy - they wanted to be sure they were meant for each other. They married when their daughter was 2. "I've always had the utmost respect for him," Stoops said of her husband. "He's never let me down. I know that he will never abandon me or the children, no matter what happens, because he is just a good man. He takes care of us." The couple have an age gap of 14 years. It keeps him young, she jokes, and her grounded. They're different in other ways as well. She's a sentimental sop, she admits, even to the point that she cries at greeting card commercials or the TV show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." He's the least romantic person on the planet. She tried to help, buying Mike a book with 1,001 ways to be romantic. It's been forgiven, but not forgotten, that while in Oklahoma, he once forgot her birthday, which happened to fall on a big game day. They are similar, too. With both of her grandfathers ministers, and her own father a Pentecostal minister, Stoops said it was important to her that her husband share similar values. They go to church on Sundays. Faith is something they rely on during difficult times - and this 2-and-8 football season counts among those. Sometimes, she tapes notes with scriptures on them to her husband's mirror. "It's been a test, but we know this is going to be a growing experience." Some of her plan has come to fruition. She went back to school after Payton was born, getting her degree in early childhood education. When her son is old enough to go to school, she said, she'd like to look into elementary teaching. Her little girl comes home with homework on Tuesdays and Thursdays and very dutifully sits down to do it. Her daughter's eagerness to learn charms her, reinforcing for her the huge effect teachers have on children's lives. "I think it's important to have something for yourself. I love what I do for my kids, but I do want goals beyond what I do as a mom or as Mike's wife. It would be very easy to get lost in that." As for that first-lady business, right away Stoops got involved in some local charities, focusing largely on Casa de los Niños and the Easter Seal Society. She also joined the Rotary Club of Tucson and spends Monday afternoons in her daughter's kindergarten classroom, where her education background is helpful. But she's gotten involved in the community because she wanted to, not because anyone suggested it would be a good idea. "I feel very fortunate for the life we're able to live and I want to give back," she said. "But I like to do what works for me and for my family." A maid and a nanny take some of the burden, but her life is so busy that she has a schedule printed out for the week, with everything from volunteer board meetings to football practice to gymnastics with her daughter and play groups with her son. Stoops has been in the college football coaching scene long enough to learn that coaching families need each other. She started family night every other week, when the assistant coaches and their families bring dinner to the football offices so everyone can relax together. The coaches' wives get together once a month. This month, it was dinner and an outing to the musical "Hairspray." They also have cookie night on the occasional Wednesday, when the wives bring batches of cookies for the football players to enjoy after practice. A tiny slip of a thing, Stoops has two favorite standbys for relaxation: light reading and working out. She recently started tennis lessons and hired a personal trainer to help her with her weight training goals. As for football, she still doesn't entirely understand how it works - when flags are thrown and whistles blown, she often has to turn to her fellow game watchers for an interpretation. With 100 players on the Arizona team, she's still getting to know who they all are, although Payton likes to call free safety Darrell Brooks her new boyfriend. In fact, Stoops said, people who think she can give them the inside scoop on the inner workings of the team will be sorely disappointed. "I'm the least-informed person. People are always offering their opinions, but honestly, (Mike and I) don't talk shop at all." Football shapes their lives in other ways, though. Her husband works all the time, weekends included. Between recruiting and practice and games, "It never ends." "In reality, I am a single mom during the season," Stoops said, "but you take the good with the bad." She tries to bring the kids to practice at least twice a week so they can eat a picnic dinner and visit their dad. Thursday night he's home with the kids, which is a luxury compared to Oklahoma, where he did a radio show in addition to his other duties. Football has affected everything in their lives together, down to the Stoops' July wedding. And due to college bowl games, this will be their first Christmas at home - Arizona's team isn't going anywhere for the holidays this year. Santa has typically come early so he can find the Stoops children before they head to a hotel. "It's hard to set traditions when you don't know where you're going to be," she said. But she's not complaining. She hopes the team will have a few Christmases at home in the future. And memo to Mike: High up on that list of the 1,001 ways to be romantic, it must state the wife's birthday must be acknowledged, even if it falls on a game day. Nicole's birthday is Friday - the day UA faces Arizona State University. We doubt forgiveness will be forthcoming twice.