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A friend's recent comment led me to a startling revelation. She told me I'm overweight. I was stunned and didn't quite believe her. So I looked in a mirror and almost fell over. I gasped, shrieked and looked again. Where did all this extra poundage come from? How could I have been so clueless?

I thought all women shopped in the plus-size section. I considered the maximum weight in an elevator to be a goal — not a warning. Don't all adults have trouble fitting into the seats on rides at Disneyland?

Why offer a super size when it could be harmful? Don't they make booths in restaurants too small to make you eat faster? Since when is a serving size of ice cream one-half cup? Who eats a half-cup of ice cream anyway? Aren't restaurant meals normal portions?

My doctor might have mentioned the medical problems I have or may get because of my weight. I guess I wasn't paying attention because I was too busy thinking about the next doughnut, double cheeseburger or piece of cheesecake.

Thanks to my friend, I know better now. I feel guilty every time I eat anything unless it's a salad. I feel ashamed every time I look in the mirror. I can't wear shorts or a bathing suit until I can fit into a size 4.

I have to stop eating what I want and start eating healthy food. I can try the grapefruit diet or the high-protein diet or the cabbage-soup diet or the low-fat diet. I can ingest cider vinegar or drink slimming tea or take a weight loss supplement from a health food store. I can join a weight-loss program and spend a lot of free time exercising.

I've suddenly noticed a plethora of public service announcements on weight-loss products, diet plans, exercise equipment and even surgery to rid me of this terrible excess.

There are hundreds of thousands of books, DVDs and CDs designed by knowledgeable people to help me degrossify my body. The sheer volume of the products, plans and machines is a bit overwhelming. How do I pick the right ones when they all take a different approach and claim theirs is the best way to achieve results?

I read an article about how a lot of companies are trying to help folks like me by providing gyms for employees, health fairs and incentives to participate in fitness plans.

These programs are based on the latest studies and statistics provided by the government and other health agencies. I've researched these facts and discovered government food guidelines have always been shaped like a pyramid, the same foods are either good or bad and a doctor can tell you how to lose weight and keep it off.

The corporate world will no longer tolerate sloppy, lazy, unhealthy, chubby people. Apparently it's common knowledge that if you're overweight, you're not trying hard enough to lose weight. If you aren't trying hard enough, then you deserve the target on your back.

A few doubts about my ability to become a thin person have popped into my head since my revelation. I read somewhere that your genes may play a role in what size jeans you wear. My friend told me that's just an excuse.

I've also read a few articles about how easy it is to start eating healthy but how difficult it is to stick to it. I got the impression from my friend that doctors, dietitians and personal trainers have this all figured out.

I'm perplexed by my friend's eating habits and behavior. She's tall, slim and seems to be able to eat anything without gaining a pound. She drinks a lot of caffeine, eats junk food and never seems to have time to exercise. She's very unorganized and never seems overly motivated to do anything. But I'm sure I'm just being negative.

I should stay indoors and out of sight until I'm fit to go out in public. My friend says if I had a lot of money, I could be thin in no time. A personal trainer, a life coach, a nutrition consultant and a plastic surgeon could turn this intolerable me into the vision of conformity that society is willing to accept.