David Sbarra says the sooner people move on from failed relationships the better, because dwelling on those relationships can torment the mind and body. Bad breakups are associated with a host of illnesses.

David Sanders / arizona daily star

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Everyone who has had a failed relationship knows the physical and psychological toll it can take, but new research at the University of Arizona is aimed at finding out how it all works — and how to avoid being destroyed by a bad breakup.

A series of ongoing studies by the psychology department is examining the physical responses people have when they think about their breakups, to discover exactly what causes the mind to have such a powerful effect on the body.

"We're trying to understand how people create meaning, how people reorganize their views of the world," said David Sbarra, assistant professor of clinical psychology.

Sbarra and his team of researchers are in the middle of two studies, one aimed at how people ages 18-22 deal with breakups and the other at people who recently have divorced.

People's perceptions of themselves after breakups — their identity and purpose in life — heavily influence how quickly they move on, Sbarra said.

And the sooner they move on the better, because dwelling on failed relationships can torment the mind and body, he said. Research consistently shows bad breakups are associated with weakened immune systems, increased rates of colds and other illness, and high blood pressure.

In addition to the physical damage, people whose identities were tied to their former partners can become depressed and confused about life.

"They'll say, 'This sounds really weird, but I feel like a kite just floating in the wind,' or, 'The ground I'm walking on doesn't feel real,' " Sbarra said.

His work has received national attention and has been featured on the Discovery Channel and in Men's Health magazine.

So far the divorce study has investigated the physical and psychological responses of about 80 people, said graduate research assistant Rita Law, who administers the tests.

The process starts with a formal assessment of clinical depression, so the final data can compare those who are depressed with those who aren't.

Next, the test subjects sit down with a microphone and talk about their breakups for several minutes without prompts or questions.

This technique, called stream of consciousness audio recording, is highly effective because it captures people's candid feelings about the breakups.

It also can be the first step toward moving on.

Talking it out is essential to recovery, said Frank Williams, creator and lead trainer at Divorce Recovery, a Tucson-based volunteer organization that helps people cope with divorce.

"They are grieving at the loss of relationship, roles, the dream that no longer is there. Many of them are feeling betrayed by the marriage," he said. "The key thing is telling their story about what happened, letting them express their emotions."

Divorce rates have remained steady since the 1980s, and there is a 40 percent to 50 percent chance of divorce for newlyweds in first marriages, according to 2005 data from the National Center for Health Statistics.

Sbarra's general advice on dealing with breakups reads kind of like the Ten Commandments — lots of thou-shalt-nots: no drinking, no drugs, no rebound hookups and no Internet stalking.

Perseverative coping — obsessing about what happened to an ex — is the worst way to deal with a breakup, Sbarra said. This includes constantly checking their Myspace or Facebook profiles. "It keeps you stuck on all this distress. It's best to not do those things that make it worse."

Sbarra's previous studies have shown that any contact with an ex, whether positive or negative, ends up making the person feel worse.

"It's very practical," Williams said. "The information he (Sbarra) has gathered allows us who are working with the individual people to understand what the people are going through."

The tests also take readings of the subjects' heart rate, blood pressure and perspiration. They are shown a soothing nature video for a few minutes, then asked questions that range from stressful (math problems on the fly) to non-stressful (grocery shopping). Then they're asked questions about the divorce.

The readings are compared to establish what physical effects recalling the divorce has.

Tucson resident Ron Kaufman is not part of the study but said the psychological shock from his divorce two years ago still affects him.

"It often was debilitating, paralyzing. Sleep was lost; I couldn't function," he said. "Sometimes I had to bury my head in a pillow and just scream, it hurt so much."

Kaufman found comfort for his pain in a 10-week program at Divorce Recovery, where he is now a leader.

The turning point, he said, came "by the fourth week. … There's a box of Kleenex in the middle because the tears will come. That evening was the first time I took off my wedding ring. That ring was my identity."

Sbarra said his goal for research on interpersonal relationships is to find ways to help people cope with or avoid upheavals that can have life-altering consequences.

"You see how terrible and difficult it can be and grow empathy for their struggles," he said. "This 'change science' can help people organize their sense of self."

Since the 1980s, the national divorce rate has remained around 50 percent for people who recently married for the first time. But for many people, the actual chance of divorce is far below 50-50, according to a marriage study released this year by Rutgers University.

The study, "The State of Our Unions 2007," found that several factors significantly lower divorce rates. Below are percentage-point decreases for the risk of divorce or separation during the first 10 years of marriage for women. The data did not include men, but the researcher said he expected results would be about the same for them.

• Annual income more than $50,000 (vs. less than $25,000): -30

• Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage): -24

• Marrying at older than 25 years (vs. younger than 18): -24

• Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents): -14

• Religious affiliation (vs. none): -14

• Some college (vs. high-school dropout): -13

Want to participate?

Anyone who has gotten divorced in the past five months can apply to participate in David Sbarra's latest study, examining how people cope with divorce. Participants will be paid for their time. For more information, contact Sbarra at 626-7483, or at sbarra@email.arizona.edu.