New 'Spider-Man' sequel too much
Nice and mean sides are shown by superhero and nearly every other character
By Phil Villarreal
Pvillarreal@azstarnet.com
Tucson, Arizona | Published: 05.03.2007
That's not your spidey sense that's tingling, it's your butt, which has fallen asleep after 140 minutes.
Long-winded, ill-conceived and far too busy to generate any sort of point or momentum, "Spider-Man 3" is all action and no payoff.
Weighed down by a $500 mil-lion budget ($350 million for production, $150 million for advertising), director Sam Raimi's third outing with the webslinger breaks its web net and plunges in a free-for-all free-fall. Shiny colors and not-so-convincing computer graphics are all the film has to offer. The dialogue ranges from dull to laughable, and the emotional content rings hollow due to characterizations as thin as Spidey's latex suit.
The film opens with Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) at the height of his popularity, worshipped by New Yorkers as if he were some sort of radioactive Rudy Giuliani. But there's big trouble afoot, both for Spidey and his unsecret identity, cub photographer Peter Parker. Scads of villains are suddenly out to get the hero, and Peter's out for justice after learning who really killed his guardian and mentor.
Interesting setup, horrid execution. Spidey is saddled with an internal struggle (should I be mean or nice?) worthy of "Sesame Street."
The rotten screenplay is infested with too many characters. Not only does Spider-Man juggle two girlfriends and battle three villains, most of those characters — himself included — have both nice and mean personalities that come about with all the subtlety of "Charles in Charge" episodes in which Scott Baio is bonked on the head and turns into the brash, sexually aggressive Chaz.
Thus, we have Mean Sandman (a sorely miscast Thomas Haden Church), who turns into a screen-filling, car-slapping, dirt-manipulating monster, and Nice Sandman, who has a long heart-to-heart with Spidey and begs for his forgiveness for offing his treasured Uncle Ben.
There are Mean Green Goblin II (James Franco), who chases Spidey around with his hovercraft and explosive balls, and Nice Green Goblin II, who pals around with the hero.
The only consistently mean villain is Venom (Topher Grace), a photographer who steals Spidey's black suit, which is actually a highly fashionable glob of shape-shifting alien goo.
The treatment goes the same way with the protagonists. There are Nice Spider-Man, who wears a red-and-blue suit, poses in front of the American flag and is always either depressed or waiting to be depressed, and Mean, black-suited Spider-Man, who wrecks city streets for no good reason, makes sarcastic remarks, engages in impromptu interpretive dances and is actually pretty funny. You'd want to hang out with Mean Spider-Man at a bar and talk over beers about what a tool Nice Spider-Man is.
Even Spidey/Peter Parker's on-again, off-again girlfriend, Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst), has nice and mean sides, with no middle ground. Ever-cheery college student Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard) competes with her for the affections of Spidey.
What plot there is goes like this: Mean versions of characters do mean things to nice versions, which turn the nice versions mean, spurring them to act mean to formerly mean characters who are now nice and apologetic. By the end, most everyone has turned nice and apologized for what they did when they were mean. Watch the film and you're stuck in the seemingly endless web.
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