Preps

Counselors: Understanding grief is pivotal

The death of a student's parent requires immediate attention from the high school they attend, counselors say. Additionally, teachers need to be informed, and students should be contacted. The biggest concern, the counselors say, is that students will not understand the grief they are feeling. "We help them to normalize what they are feeling," said N.J. Utter, a Desert View counselor. "They need to know they are not the only ones; that there are common reactions." Unfortunately, schools do not make the greatest therapeutic settings. To counteract that, high schools often offer educational therapy groups to students who experience a variety of grief, ranging from a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, to the death of a parent. "The school isn't really a therapeutic setting. We are unprepared to deal with whatever might happen," Rincon/University counselor Brenda Kazen said. "We bring different people into the groups by design." Both Desert View and Rincon teach group participants the prominent stages of grief theory, as outlined by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. "The idea is to raise awareness," Kazen said. "It is empowering for kids to recognize the stages, and know they are not the only ones with those feelings." In many cases, however, students do not feel comfortable discussing their grief in a group setting. Neither Rincon catcher Brett Sheppard, whose father died Feb. 20, nor Desert View shortstop Daniel Romero, whose father died on April 17, has chosen to join a group. "I don't know if I am ready for that," Sheppard said. "Maybe that's a couple of years away." Counselors say students remain monitored, whether they agree to meet with a group or not. "Some kids we pull in and check regularly," Kazen said. "We ask teachers for updates." In the long run, schools try to conform to students' needs, and offer as much compassion as possible. For Sheppard: "I'd say the level of compassion and concern from faculty and staff has been amazing," Kazen said.