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Carolyn: So, I know that dating multiple people casually, and not sleeping with any of them, is supposed to be the healthiest, most mature way to date as an adult, but, at 28, I'm finding that I hate it. There always ends up being one guy who I like most, and the others are just kind of stand-ins for when he's busy or on a date with some other woman.

I tend to fall hard, and fast. And wow, knowing that a guy I'm dating is out with some other woman stings so bad I can barely handle it.

I try the don't-ask-don't-tell policy, but this is a double-edged sword — I feel like I'm closing myself off, yet I'm so insecure that I almost don't want to talk about a guy's day/week/life. Instincts say, "OK, well don't date anyone who makes you feel this way," but I don't think I'd want to date someone who wanted to be exclusive after two dates.

This feels hopelessly lonely. — "I Like You Too Much, So Please (Buzz) Off"

Do you eventually lose your feelings for these preferred guys, wondering what you ever saw in them, or does the interest remain when they're gone?

I'm trying to see how well you can trust your feelings.

Carolyn: I didn't write that question, but I swear I could have!

With me, most of the time I feel like, what was I thinking? But in the midst of it, I think I am in love. So I guess I don't trust my feelings. — Anonymous

If you generally come around to wonder what you were thinking, then that's an argument to resist the impulse to invest in the preferred guy.

In fact, while dating around might seem to be the right antidote to rushing, you might in fact need to go further and stop dating.

Maybe not altogether forever after. But do stop seeing it as a means to find a mate. Instead, concentrate on your life, your interests, your friendships, your goals. It'll not only strengthen who you are and so, by extension, your judgment, but it will also put you in natural proximity with people who share your interests.

Dating, by contrast, creates highly unnatural proximity, which seems to be your (and maybe the original poster's) problem.