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Carolyn: I'm about to turn 30, I see a doctor regularly, and I am, in her words, "in excellent health" — cholesterol, heart, blood pressure, yadda yadda.

However, I have gained 15 pounds in the past three years. I have also gotten married, and my parents, who used to live overseas, have returned to the area. My parents, especially my mom, are constantly jibing at me about my weight.

My mom has even started e-mailing my husband about it, telling him he "has to do something." She claims she is worried about my health, despite the fact that I have told her my doctor's opinion. I know she is obsessed with what other people think. I've always noticed that about her and thought it sad, but generally just reacted by being a happy person and ignoring her when she obsesses.

However, her e-mails are driving my husband crazy. And since he's not happy that I've gained weight, her e-mails are becoming an issue between us.

I think my metabolism changed in my late 20s, and that's life. I refuse to court anorexia or take diet pills.

I'm also sick of sometimes allowing my mom and husband to make me feel bad about myself, and wondering why they are doing this to me. What can I do to make this situation stop? — Va.

I know you're probably looking for reassurance and a get-out-of-my-face-free card. You have both, since you're paying attention to the things that count, and so you can always deflect your mom: "I am healthy. I will no longer have this conversation with you." And then (it all fails without it), don't have this conversation with her.

However, there's more to this. You have an appearance-conscious, boundary-unconscious mother, and a spouse who is better at enabling her than supporting you. And you're counting on them both to be otherwise. And you're conflicted about your weight yourself (who said anything about diet pills?). There's a pattern here, and counseling wouldn't be an overreaction. It could help you figure out your relationships, and the weight — are the 15 pounds a correction from being underweight? an emotional flare? — which would then help you deal with both more productively.