Other articles by Jeanne Phillips:

Dear Abby : Take threats of suicide seriously Dear Abby : Let daughter fight the battle Dear Abby : You can 'adopt' grandkids Dear Abby : Shop for lingerie together Dear Abby : Parents can have blind spots Dear Abby : Talk to pal about Naked party Dear Abby : There is good in everyone Dear Abby : Pay attention to his patterns Dear Abby : Not everyone can say Pledge Dear Abby : Be kind, but not overly friendly

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SUPERINTENDENTS

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with my 41-year-old fiance, "Sean." He's a great guy, never married, no children, and I love him dearly.

I have discovered something disturbing about Sean. He has this "security fur" he can't part with. He told me he has used it since he was very young and says that the feel of it calms him down. However, I believe the "fur" has other uses besides being his security blanket.

How can I get the fur out of both of our lives without destroying our relationship and jeopardizing our upcoming marriage?

DEAR FUR-IOUS: Because you suspect that your fiance may use the fur for "other things," it is important that you be clear on exactly what they are before you marry him.

My advice is to have a frank, nonthreatening chat with Sean — in the presence of a marriage counselor, if necessary — and get to the bottom of it. If he needs it for arousal — you will have to decide if this "kink" is something you can live with.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 45-year-old man with a dilemma. Two years ago, I met a wonderful 22-year-old woman who has a terrible eating disorder. Over the last two years she has been hospitalized probably 18 months out of 24. Many people have promised to be her friend, and all of them have given up on her as her parents have.

There was a time when I didn't miss a day of visiting her. What started as a friendship turned into a relationship. We love each other very much.

The age difference is a problem to the people who didn't care enough to visit when she needed them the most. They say she won't live past 25 because of the damage to her body.

The short periods of time she has been out of the hospital we have traveled across the United States on little trips. She loved it, and so did I. All I want to do is make sure she enjoys what life she has left. I believe I'm doing the right thing. What do you think?

— In Love in St. Paul

DEAR IN LOVE: You are both adults. Time is precious, and you should enjoy as much of it as you can together.

Also, unless you were told by her physician that she has only a short time to live, you shouldn't dwell too much on how long she has left. Happiness can be a great healer, and she could surprise everyone.