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Couples share their tales

Surviving a home remodel

By Gillian Drummond
Special to the Arizona Daily Star
Tucson, Arizona | Published: 05.04.2008
Remodeling: It's the bane of many relationships, the source of ongoing bickering, sometimes even the stuff of near-divorce. They say if your marriage can survive a kitchen remodel, then it's in good shape.
We talked to two couples who went through that and much more. Theirs is the best advice you're going to get — because they also happen to work in the contracting industry.
"We used to joke that all it was going to cost us was a divorce," says Lori Coffee, 35, of the renovations she and her husband, Chris, 37, had done to their home several years ago.
The fact that they could laugh at all is amazing, because the work took five months and covered just about everything: They added a bedroom and bathroom, raised ceilings, remodeled their kitchen, expanded the garage and had a separate home office built. Added to that, the work began in the middle of winter (at one point they had no heating). Oh, and they had a 3-month-old baby.
"We had some fights," says Lori. But it's clear to her now that her eight-year-marriage is "pretty strong."
"When you go through home stress, financial stress and baby stress all at the same time, I think you can go through anything," she says.
It was Chris' idea to do everything at once. He owns a construction company, and he says in the line of work he's in — multi-unit remodels and new builds — it's considered a waste of time and money to do things piecemeal.
He admits now that when it came to his own house in Sabino Vista, attacking so many projects at once was, um, "an oversight." The same goes for his assumption that he could act as an absent foreman. Chris says he made the mistake of thinking the jobs would run themselves while he was out at work, and Lori says she was left dealing with the laborers on her own.
The lessons learned were multifold. Lori says if they bought another house they'd do all the work before they moved in. Chris now saves major remodeling projects for when Lori is taking her annual summer vacation.
Another couple, Al Gastelum, 43, an architect, and Kathryn, 44, an interior designer, seem the ideal candidates for building their own dream home.
But in some ways, their professions make their remodeling angst all the more intense.
"You end up putting things on hold. Your own house takes a back seat," says Al, who worked on three other homes at the same time he built his own in the Foothills. "There were lots of sleepless nights, and I was grumpy a lot."
The couple butted heads over everything from the design to the size of their home. Al blames Kathryn for the fact that they added an extra 1,000 square feet to what was originally planned — he jokes it was because of the closet space she needed. Kathryn is still disappointed with the lack of light in the guest house, which she uses as a painting studio. "She wanted big windows; I was utilitarian with it," says Al.
Kathryn regrets leaving some basic decisions to Al. She's left with an extra-low counter in the laundry room ("I'm the one who's doing all the laundry!"), and kitchen shelves that don't go deep enough in places.
Al professes to "hate" making decisions on fabrics and color. So while Kathryn got her way with the Mediterranean look inside, she says it's not always easy being the only one making interior-design decisions.
Still, the couple weathered what could have been a stormy time, and this year they celebrate 20 years of marriage. Despite their differences, Kathryn says: "Him being an architect, that's a really big plus. We both can look outside the box and see things a little more open-minded than others."
Angela Pittenger / Arizona Daily Star illustration
● Contact freelance reporter Gillian Drummond at GCDrummond@aol.com.