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Ellen Burke Van Slyke really hopes you will forget about the paper plates and TV trays for your Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Instead, she says, consider making major holiday meals special by setting a formal table, complete with a real tablecloth and cloth napkins, a vase of flowers, even taper candles and place cards. "This is a really fine art that we cannot afford to lose in our culture," says Van Slyke, the director of food and beverage service at the posh Loews Ventana Canyon Resort, 7000 N. Resort Drive. "When you do formal entertaining in your home," Van Slyke says, "it's the ultimate testament of respect for your guests. . . . It's saying I value and respect you so much that I will spend the day cooking and getting ready to entertain you in my home." Tucson's version of Miss Manners agrees. "A formal table is appropriate for special occasions: Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, etcetera," Carrie Click of Click . . . on Etiquette wrote in an e-mail. "It takes an everyday place setting to the next level of sophistication and adds a special touch. . . . It is for these special times that it is important to know how to set a formal table setting." To set the table, follow the accompanying diagram. If you are not serving a particular course or beverage, simply omit the utensils and dinnerware for it. Click adds that, for the doubtful guest, the great thing about a formal place setting is that it tells you what to do. No fumbling around for silverware, or sneaking peeks to see which fork or spoon your neighbor is using - or whose glass of water is whose. To survive and flourish at a formal table, you only really need to know two rules. ● First, when picking out the utensil(s) to use for each course, begin as far away as possible, and work your way toward the plate with each succeeding dish. When you run out of utensils beside the plate, look above it for the dessert fork and spoon. Click adds that by looking over your place setting, you can also figure out how many courses are on their way and how to pace yourself. A tiny cocktail fork promises seafood, such as a shrimp cocktail. A soup spoon? Expect soup. ● The second rule - Food on your left hand; drink on your right. In other words, the water glass, wine glass, etc., to the right of the plate is yours. The bread and butter plate and other plates or bowls to the left of your plate also belong to you. Van Slyke feels so strongly about the importance of creating a great atmosphere for your dinner that she recommends finding the time to set a table by taking shortcuts with the actual food. "If you are entertaining at home, you focus on what you do best," she said. "You don't have to make all five courses. . . . There are lots of places where you can pick up a salad course, or an appetizer course. Buy a cake from a great bakery. . . . One advantage of the change in our lifestyle is that there are people who can help you with a course or two." Or, if your holiday meal involves family or close friends, you can assign a dish by, for example, asking an enthusiastic baker to make dessert. Just don't put the guest of honor to work. ● Contact freelance reporter Rebecca Boren at rboren@azstarnet.com.