Liliana Cota, far right, is comforted by a family member at the funeral for her husband, Staff Sgt. Victor M. Cota, who was killed in Iraq. At far left is Cota's daughter, Mireyaaime Cota Santana. Sitting next to her is Cota's brother, Gilberto Enrique, and then Victor's mother, Mariela Irene Cota.

Jill Torrance / Arizona Daily Star

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Even for a general, few things are tougher than trying to explain a soldier's death to his children.

Southern Arizona's highest-ranking Army officer found himself in that role Friday at the funeral of Staff Sgt. Victor M. Cota of Tucson.

At the fallen soldier's graveside, Maj. Gen. John M. Custer III dispensed white-gloved salutes to Cota's 8-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter, presenting each with a folded American flag that had draped their father's casket.

"Your father is a hero," Custer told Victor Manuel Cota Santana and his little sister, Mireyaaime Cota Santana.

Afterward, Custer said in an interview that the task was among "the most emotionally draining experiences of my life."

"They held up well and did a good job," the general said of Cota's offspring. "They are proud of their father."

Military pomp mingled with Mexican tradition at the funeral of Cota, who was killed in action in Iraq on May 14 and buried on what would have been his 34th birthday.

Cota's widow, Liliana, seemed dazed as she walked behind her husband's silver coffin, propped up by a priest on one side and a soldier on the other.

About 400 mourners from both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border filled a North Side church where Cota was eulogized as a charismatic man so brimming with life that it was hard to imagine him gone.

"He had a smile that could light up a neighborhood," the soldier's boyhood friend, Aaron Valencia, told loved ones at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, 601 E. Fort Lowell Road.

Cota, known to his friends as Chico, loved to sing and dance and make people laugh, Valencia said. The two attended Tucson High School together in the early 1990s. Cota also attended Amphitheater High School for a time.

At Evergreen Cemetery on North Oracle Road, the Army's 21-gun salute was followed by a trio of Latino musicians singing mournful ballads in Spanish, a common funeral rite in the fallen soldier's culture.

One of the tunes, "Amor Eterno" — Spanish for "Eternal Love" — prompted a torrent of tears as Cota's body was lowered into the ground.

Translated to English, the lyrics begin:

"You are the sadness in my eyes

Cota's high school friends hired the trio as a tribute to the soldier, who loved Norteño-style music, Valencia said. Cota, of Mexican descent, was born in the United States and has relatives in both countries, he said.

Cota was "a man of great warmth and great passion: passion for his job and for his family," said Custer, the commanding general at Fort Huachuca in Sierra Vista, who oversaw honors on behalf of the Army.

"He wanted to make the world a better place with his life, and he saw being a soldier as a way to do that."

The general presented Cota's family with a Purple Heart and several other medals. Cota was a sergeant awaiting promotion when he died, so the Army promoted him posthumously, Custer said.

Cota was with the 4th Infantry Division's Special Troops Battalion. He's the 35th service member with ties to Tucson or Southern Arizona to be claimed by the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.