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Q I have a dilemma with my 2 1/2-year-old son. All day long he asks to watch television and it's driving me crazy! We let him watch no more than two 30-minute shows per day (one before nap, one after), and when he asks, we say "no" and try to get him involved in something else, assuming perhaps he's bored. But, without fail, he continues to ask immediately after that activity is over. Lately, his first words in the morning and after nap are "TV please." When we say no, he just smiles and keeps asking. I try to ignore it, it continues; I try to explain why not, it continues. On a couple of occasions it's turned into raised voices and threats of time-out, which did actually work but I don't think is effective for everyday use. In general, he has become much less compliant and won't listen to no's on anything like "put that down, stop doing that, no we can't do that right now." He just keeps asking or does it anyway. The only discipline I have needed to use was time-outs (for hitting and such) because he has generally been compliant up till now. I'm not sure how to stop this behavior, and I'm getting exhausted (and nothing else done) trying to keep him entertained all day.

A One of the reasons I recommend zero TV for young children (the American Academy of Pediatrics says no TV for children younger than 2) is that it is addictive. There is something about the flickering, repetitions, fast changes, and loud music/voices/noise that makes kids want more. And because it keeps the kids happy and entertained, it serves as a cheap instant nanny for busy parents.

Too much TV is bad for all ages, from preschoolers to old couch potatoes, but in children younger than 2, TV actually can change the structure of their brain in troubling ways.

The wiring of the developing brain starts at the back where vision is processed and proceeds to the front of the brain where the frontal lobes are. These big frontal lobes are where we store working memory, the memory we hold long enough to finish a task like dialing a new phone number. Young babies aren't wired to do this yet, so when they watch television, every sound bite is like a new story. So what, you might ask? Well, what happens is the baby's brain gets wired up for short-attention-span use.

Hmmm, what disorder characterized by attention problems are we seeing in increasing numbers in children? That's right, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The data are not yet in that can prove early TV causes ADHD, but one study showed that for every hour per day of TV watched before age 3, the child is 10 percent more likely to have ADHD symptoms by age 7.

If I had a baby younger than 2, I would follow the AAP guidelines and avoid television like the plague. For those readers who want to know more about early brain wiring, I suggest "Bright From the Start" by Jill Stamm, (Gotham Books, 2007), who is an associate clinical professor at Arizona State University.

Let me hasten to tell the parent who wrote today's letter that I am pleased that you limit your child's exposure to this addictive and potentially harmful "drug." Your son sounds both smart and polite; he clearly tells you what he wants and even says please!

But you sound a bit tentative. Almost always when a child keeps asking or whining for something, he has sensed that just maybe if he keeps it up she'll give in.

How do parents switch from being tentative to becoming firmly positive people who mean what they say? Don't explain. Don't shout. Don't threaten. None of this is appropriate for a child this young. Just say, "The rule is no TV after the timer goes off." Setting the timer depersonalizes this from Mom (who might give in) to timer (it won't give in).

Your son's non-compliance is absolutely normal at this age. He is testing you to see how far he can go. Pick your battles. Be firm. Don't try to keep him entertained all day, let him figure out how to entertain himself sometimes. The best advice I can give you is to feel in charge and act in charge. That's your job. Unfortunately your son's job is to say "no" all the time! But this stage will pass. I promise.