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Q My husband and I have a 10-month-old daughter and don't plan on having any more children. I work 26 hours a week and have her in a wonderful day-care center. I plan to enroll her in some group exercise classes through Parks and Recreation. She has grandparents who are very involved with her as well. So far, she seems to be a resilient, easygoing, happy little girl who is true joy to be around.

Do you have any advice on raising an only child? We want to make sure she isn't spoiled and knows how to share and solve problems with peers.

A Every older child is an only child for a while. These children manage to survive both the state of being the only one and, when a sibling comes along, being displaced!

There is no evidence that children are handicapped by a lack of siblings. Studies have actually shown greater self-esteem and self-reliance in only children. Because of today's demographics, women are postponing childbirth until there is time on the clock for only one child, so children without siblings are quite common.

You already know that you should provide opportunities for your child to interact with other children. There are many such opportunities in the community, ranging from exercise classes to story hours at the library to play groups arranged by parents.

There is some evidence that mothers of only children may have a problem. Strange as this sounds, they may get too attached to and involved with the baby. One word of warning I give to mothers of onlys: Don't spend too much time with your child. Give the child the gift of learning how to be alone once in a while. A baby doesn't learn how to self-calm or self-entertain if you are right there all the time.

Because there is some evidence that only children have higher levels of separation anxiety than children with siblings do, the baby should have some other-than-mother care. The mother who wrote today's letter already is providing such care because she works part time. But all children need some other-than-mother care.

Some mothers who stay at home full time don't believe this, but it's true. Here's why. If the only faces you have ever seen belong to Mommy and Daddy, you might get uptight when those faces go away. But if you have practiced saying bye-bye to Mommy since you were little and know she comes back in a while, it may be easier to wave goodbye at preschool.

Another reason is that babies are born with the ability to look at and relate to faces. They learn early how to smile at and beguile the people attached to faces. This is their survival mechanism. If Mother got eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, Baby knew how to charm another person into providing necessary care.

So all babies, whether or not they have siblings, need practice in looking at different faces.

They need to learn that all people have faces, but that each person is different. Learning to differentiate one face from another is an important skill.

There are three keys to rearing all children, whether they are only children or children with siblings: love, loving enough to let go, and loving enough to let them learn.