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DALLAS — First came divorce agreements. Then there were prenuptial agreements. Now get ready for sibling agreements.

Dallas lawyer Walter Hof-heinz knows from specializing in estate planning and probate law for 23 years that conflicts can erupt in even the most loving families when it's time to figure out how to care for an aging parent.

Issues that should have been decided around the kitchen table escalate into disputes fought out in lawyers' offices and court.

To manage that familial strife, Hofheinz has come up with what he calls a "memorandum of understanding" between siblings. The contract spells out each adult child's responsibilities and holds that person accountable for them.

"Ideally, an older person tells his children how he wants to be cared for, but that rarely happens," he said.

Instead, the topic never gets discussed, and often something bad happens — the parent has a stroke, or his mind starts to fail. Suddenly, brothers and sisters argue over where Dad will live, how his savings will be spent and even how he will die.

"A little planning can avoid a lot of animosity and a lot of money in attorney fees on the back end," Hofheinz said.

Elder-law experts say the time is ripe for ideas like the Dallas lawyer's, because they're seeing more sibling disagreements grow into bitterly fought guardianship battles that land in probate courts and decimate families.

"Sorting out family conflicts is becoming a big part of estate planning and elder law," said G. Mark Shalloway, president-elect of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys.

He and his legal colleagues expect the arguing to grow louder as the population ages and families become more far-flung.

The prime candidates for caregiving — people 85 and older — make up the fastest-growing segment of the population. They're projected to increase fivefold, from 4 million in 2000 to 21 million by 2050.

Their children are usually scattered across the country, often the result of more than one marriage.

"It's no wonder that siblings often don't see eye to eye," Shalloway said. "Many don't even keep in touch until their parents have an emergency."

A common scenario is the daughter who's exhausted from caring for Mom and says it's time to find a nursing home. The other siblings live out of town and seldom visit. They don't understand why their mother can't live by herself.

"They think everything's fine. They don't know that Mom almost burned down the house last week when she forgot to turn off the stove," said Molly Shomer, a Dallas geriatric care manager who helps families arrange for care.

Sibling disputes usually center on what's best for a parent, but they can also stem from concerns over protecting an inheritance.

"One sibling may not want Mom in a nursing home because, at $70,000 a year, he's afraid she'll leave nothing for her children," said Patricia Sitchler, a past president of the Texas chapter of the elder-law attorneys group.

Hofheinz says a sibling agreement could avert these emotional issues for many families.

The contract could spell out which son or daughter Mom lives with when she can no longer fend for herself. Or it could outline the process the family will follow in determining when a parent is ready for a nursing home.

The contract could also describe whether an adult child gets reimbursed or compensated for caregiving. That way, if a parent helps the primary caregiving child with a gas bill or car loan, the siblings won't feel cheated.

Who controls the parent's money is another flashpoint for sibling arguments.

"An adult child who cheats a parent can be held criminally liable, but charges of financial exploitation can tear apart a family," Hofheinz said.

"A sibling agreement would lay down some money management rules."