Other articles by Bonnie Henry:

Bonnie Henry : Salon evokes tales of its time as a home Bonnie Henry : I might be all thumbs at times, but it doesn't include texting Bonnie Henry : 16 sea battles hard to forget Grandson Hank keeps legacy alive George the patriarch took the reins Bonnie Henry : Amos means Tucson Realty & Trust Bonnie Henry : Pioneer pool builder helped keep us afloat Memories of one of our oldest neighborhoods Bonnie Henry : Summers of old glow in memory Summer memories

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At last, at last. I'm a protected minority.

Oh, not because of my skin tones, age or gender.

It's because years ago I got my ears pierced in the mall on the way to take the kids to see "Charlotte's Web."

(And what a handy excuse that turned out to be, especially after the kids wanted to know why Mommy was crying at the end of the movie.)

Decades later, I'm still sniffling through sentimental movies and still pushing metal through my earlobes.

Not once, however, did I dream this would be deemed spiritual. Not, that is, until I learned about Sarah Yule.

Yule, according to the Albany (N.Y.) Times Union, lost her receptionist job at an Albany hospital last month after refusing to remove her lip ring.

Seems it violated the company's dress code. So might have the multiple piercings Yule previously sported in her eyebrows, lip, nose and ears.

But in this case, it was the 14-gauge hoop ring in her lip that caused the ruckus, especially after Yule claimed the firing violated her religion.

Turns out Yule is a member of the Church of Body Modification.

Hallelujah and praise glory for dropping this manna from heaven in my lap. Folks, you can't make up this stuff.

According to its very own Web site (www.uscobm.com) the Church of Body Modification believes body piercings and the like "are essential to our spiritual salvation."

There's no formal deity, no chapel — unless you count the Internet. You can even, I'm told, become a minister via e-mail.

Even so, the Church of Body Modification is happily taking donations, even as it awaits nonprofit status from the Internal Revenue Service.

Relaxed and all-inclusive, it lets you decide what's spiritual. Maybe it's tattoos. Maybe it's piercings. Hey, whatever.

The church is also pretty lax as to what constitutes body modification. Could be anything from piercings and scars to brandings, bodybuilding and even cosmetic surgery.

(No word yet on whether Joan Rivers has been named High Priestess.)

The church does pussyfoot a tad over the issue of "heavy body modification." Translation: amputation and castration.

Cautioning members to "think seriously" about such, um, modifications, it nevertheless gives the green light, so long as one "enters into a modification with a healthy heart."

Little wonder that Yule, at last report, had yet to line up a lawyer. Well, maybe she'll have better luck if she joins my church.

Brothers and sisters, I hereby declare myself founding minister of "The Church of Give Me A Break."

If you've ever groaned at stories such as this one, then this is the church for you.

If you've ever wondered why teachers can't use red markers anymore while correcting papers (too anxiety-causing), or why no one in our society is ever called poor, bad or lazy (too "mean-spirited"), then this is the church for you.

No dues, no meetings and only one ritual — one you've probably been practicing already.

You know — it's that involuntary eyeball-rolling that seems to grip you every time you hear the latest politically correct accusation about this imagined slur, grievance or horrid example of victimization.

I'm expecting membership to skyrocket. Still, until that tax-exempt status rolls in, I'm keeping my options open.

Say, what do you think about a discreet little nose ring?