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MYSTERY SHOPPERS

● DEAR ABBY: I am being married this summer to my fiancee of five years, "Beth." I had always assumed that my brother, "Mike," who is also my best friend, would be my best man. Mike is gay.

When I asked him, I was stunned at his response. Mike said he loves me and Beth, but refuses to be part of a ceremony celebrating something for which he is discriminated against emotionally, financially and socially. He refuses even to attend.

Now that I have been forced to confront this issue, I realize my brother is right. Beth thinks he should "get over it," and he needs to accept that it's just "the way things are in the world."

As hurt as I am, I can't hold against my brother his refusal to participate.

How can I handle this without turning it into something that could overshadow what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life? — Disappointed in Westlake, Ohio

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: By respecting your brother's decision, and reminding your bride-to-be that accepting the status quo is not always the best thing to do. Women were once considered chattel, and slavery was sanctioned in the Bible.

● DEAR ABBY: I'm in college for interior design. A woman I have many classes with is making class time unbearable. She frequently interrupts the instructor. She also laughs very loudly at things that are not remotely funny, eavesdrops on other people's conversations and interjects when her opinion is not asked for or wanted. Even our instructors are frustrated with her.

How should we deal with someone who grates on everyone's nerves? Some of my classmates have talked to our instructors about her and nothing came of it. Please help. — Design Student in San Francisco

DEAR DESIGN STUDENT: You have described a person who is sorely lacking in social skills. You and some of the other students should go back to your instructors and explain to them how disruptive and distracting the woman's behavior has been. If nothing is done, complain to the head of the department. However, if the problem can't be remedied, you may have to grit your teeth, remember that these classes are not forever, and keep as far away from her as you can.