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Dear Abby: It's all happening at the zoo

Other articles by Jeanne Phillips:

Dear Abby : Pros, cons of attending funeral Dear Abby : Your actions have consequences Dear Abby : Ask hubby to level with you Dear Abby : Learn how to be professional Dear Abby : Professor is unprofessional Dear Abby : Speak up when he's offensive Dear Abby : Be firm with insecure hubby Dear Abby : Wear whatever's comfortable Dear Abby : Opinions vary on bilingualism Dear Abby : You needn't air dirty laundry

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● DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Lulu" moved in with a man I'll call Al a year and a half ago, telling us this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. So my husband and I welcomed him to the family.

They now have a baby, and still there has been no wedding. Al came to us eight months ago to ask our permission to ask Lulu to marry him. We consented. He appears to have had convenient memory loss about asking and has proven himself to be extremely self-centered, controlling and a negative influence on what was once our happy, outgoing daughter.

We now realize that Al is someone we don't care to have in our family, and we'd like to know how (if it's possible) to rescind our blessing on their marriage. — Changed our minds down South

DEAR CHANGED OUR MINDS: If I were you, I wouldn't raise the subject of marriage with Al at all. Do, however, "mention" to your daughter that you had hoped she'd find a husband who would cherish her and make her happier than Al seems to have. Be sure to let her know that if she changes her mind about him, you'll welcome her back home with open arms..

● DEAR ABBY: My problem is that my mother is a control freak. I was raised to respect my parents, but I have about had it with her controlling ways. She wants to dictate my hair length, color and style, my weight, my love life, what car I drive, what job I have, where I live.

My mother wants me to date only doctors. She has threatened to cut me out of her will if I "settle" (her word) for someone who doesn't have a medical degree. I was interested in a man who owned his own business, but she made me so miserable that I simply stopped dating.

I want to respect her because she is my mother, and I know she loves me. Can you help me figure out how to get her to back off and let me live my life my way? By the way, I am 41. — Peaceful rebel in Ohio

DEAR PEACEFUL REBEL: Start by talking with a licensed mental health professional, preferably one who specializes in helping young adults to "individuate" from controlling parents. Once you have a firm grasp of who you are, and what your proper boundaries are, you will be able to confront your mother.