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● DEAR ABBY: I have never written you before, but the letter you printed from "Dismayed Grandmother" in Laredo, Texas, brought back memories. I couldn't have been more than 8, and it was my father's birthday. There were flowers on his birthday cake, and he said to me, "Smell the flowers. Go ahead, smell the flowers!" I hesitated, but he insisted, so I bent over the cake to smell the flowers and he pushed my face into the frosting.

I am now 72, and I remember how it felt to be humiliated by my father. Others in the room may have been laughing, but I wasn't. My dad thought he was being funny. Instead, he lost his daughter's love and trust that day. — Wishes He Hadn't in San Diego

DEAR WISHES HE HADN'T: As I said in my reply to "Dismayed Grandmother," I have never found humor at the expense of others to be funny. In fact, I consider it cruel and a form of bullying. That a parent would tolerate, much less participate in, the humiliation of his or her child is an appalling breach of trust. Your reaction proves the truth of my statement.

Read on, because the letter to which you referred brought in some interesting mail.

DEAR ABBY: You missed the boat on the face-in-the-birthday-cake letter. Here in Mexico, it is common for the birthday boy or girl to have his or her face pushed into the cake. After the candles are blown out, the birthday person is supposed to take a little bite of the cake with his or her mouth — not using any utensils — for good luck. It is usually when the person's face is near the cake that someone standing behind him or her pushes their face into it.

I assume that's what happened at the party the grandmother attended, since it was from Laredo, Texas, which is on the border with Mexico. I personally do not enjoy being pushed into the cake, and yes, some kids do cry when it happens. But it's all done in fun, and I believe it's important to be a good sport about it.

Whether this tradition should or should not be continued is debatable — but frankly, you are not the one who should be debating (or criticizing) it. When you referred to this custom as a form of "bullying," you were speaking from a U.S. cultural perspective. You and the letter writer may have been "aghast" out of cultural ignorance. — Robin in Mexico City